Picture this: It's 11:47 PM on Thursday when the Slack message arrives.
"We need to talk about the survey results. Can we meet first thing tomorrow?"
Friday morning, three of your five leadership team members sit around a conference table looking like they’ve been personally attacked.
The survey results are pulled up. Comments about “poor communication,” “lack of transparency,” and leadership being "completely out of touch” give off a soft neon glow on the screen.
The VP of Finance winces. “The engagement scores dropped 15 points across the board. And these anonymous comments…” she trails off.
“This is ridiculous,” the CTO says. “Half of these people don’t even understand what we’re dealing with. We should stop doing these surveys. They’re clearly not helping anyone—they’re just creating a space to vent.”
The room falls silent as the leadership team nods in collective agreement.
And that’s when you realize you are about to make one of the most dangerous mistakes a company can make: killing the messenger instead of listening to the message.
This scene—or some version of it—happens more often than you’d think.
The Smoke Detector Syndrome
When feedback stings, it’s human instinct to protect yourself—either by assuming that the constructive feedback isn’t valid or by shutting down the feedback mechanism.
But, doing so is like unplugging a smoke detector because you can’t stand the beeping. The alarm is annoying, sure. But the house is still on fire whether it’s beeping or not.
I’ve seen leadership teams react to tough survey results in a few predictable ways:
- “We need to be asking different questions”
- “Maybe we should only survey people who’ve been here longer”
- “Anonymous feedback is too toxic—let's stop accepting it”
These responses send a clear message to your team: We only want to hear from you when you have positive things to say.
The Real Problem (Hint: It’s Not the Feedback)
The real problem is that a lot of leadership teams aren't prepared to handle difficult feedback constructively.
Most leaders aren't taught to read "My manager micromanages everything and it's crushing my creativity" without taking it personally.
⚖️ Four Ways to Fix Feedback Mechanisms
→ Only ask about what you're willing to take action on: If raises aren’t in the budget, don’t ask how large they should be. If the office location won’t change, don’t survey commute preferences. Every survey question creates an implicit promise: “We care about your opinion on this topic.” Break that promise enough times and people stop trusting your surveys.
The fix: Before launch, have leaders review each question and ask, “If 70% of people say this is broken, are we willing and able to change it?” If not, cut the question.
→ Create structured feedback channels with guardrails: Anonymous feedback without boundaries often turns into a digital suggestion box for every workplace grievance, reasonable or not. The most successful companies I’ve worked with set up structured feedback systems—like Lattice Q&A boards (affiliate) with clear submission standards
- Questions must be business-focused
- Assume positive intent and avoid personal attacks
- Focus on finding constructive solutions
- Include enough context for meaningful responses
The fix: Be willing to set boundaries on what acceptable, professional feedback looks like. Have pre-written responses explaining why Q&A questions might get removed and create a clear resubmission process. Transparency about your standards reduces accusations of censorship.
→ Equip leadership for emotional resilience: Leadership roles come with heightened emotions and difficult conversations. If your leaders aren’t prepared for that reality, every piece of tough feedback can feel like a personal attack.
The fix: Invest in in-house management training on emotional regulation, offer referrals to executive coaching, provide mental health benefits that leaders can tap into for stress management, and host leadership-specific guilds with peer-to-peer coaching on management challenges.
→ Be strategic about which opinions you let influence you: Not all feedback deserves the same weight, and pretending it does will send you spiraling. Pay closest attention to constructive feedback from people who:
- Show up consistently and do important work
- Demonstrate positive intent in their communication
- Have relevant context for the challenges you’re facing
- Engage in conversations about solutions, not just problems
The fix: Let it be okay to deprioritize feedback from anonymous contributors who never engage in improvement discussions, people with limited context on similar challenges, and voices that focus on tearing down without building up. This isn’t about silencing dissent—it’s about being strategic with your (and your leaders) energy.
What Good Feedback Recovery Looks Like
The best leadership teams I’ve worked with treat brutal survey results like a debugging session, not a personal attack. They ask:
- What patterns do we see across multiple responses?
- Which feedback points to systemic issues vs. individual complaints?
- What can we realistically address in the next 90 days? 6 months?
- How do we communicate our action plan transparently?
- What support do we need as leaders to handle this better next time?
They don’t take anonymous comments about their management style as personal character assassinations. They look for the operational insights buried beneath the emotional reactions.
📌 The Four-T Playbook: Tip, Trick, Tactic, or Template
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👉 Tip: If you're a leader, this is for you. If you work with leaders who need to hear this, feel free to copy/paste and modify as needed:
As a leader, you have a right to a harassment-free workplace, but you also chose a role that requires engaging with difficult emotions and challenging perspectives. The solution isn’t to create an echo chamber where only positive feedback reaches your ears. It’s to develop the skills and systems that help you process tough feedback professionally and extract actionable insights even when the delivery isn’t perfect. If you're struggling with this, consider seeking external help — whether through executive coaching, mentorship, or counseling.
Coaching and mentorship prices vary depending on the coach's background and certifications. Here are 4 resources with a range of options: More Happi, MentorCruise, Hyphens and Spaces, and BetterUp.
Counseling is usually available through medical services, so check with your insurance provider, employee assistance program (EAP), or government resources for more support.
Final thoughts:
Employee feedback isn't supposed to make you feel good. It's supposed to make you better.
Your choice isn't between comfortable leadership and brutal feedback. It's between hearing problems when they're fixable or dealing with them when they've become crises. Choose wisely.
I'd love to hear: Have you experienced the "kill the surveys" reaction? How did your team navigate it? Hit reply and let's talk.
Until next time,
Melissa
